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Patanjali Sokaris

Pondering the universe

Soul mates

Your growth partners

Many people look to a soul mate as their one true love, but they are just one of many soul mates that enable you to develop and grow.

Each soul mate has their own part in our development, as we have in theirs. Soul mates are those with whom we have incarnated with many times, so that we develop together.

Anybody you met who sparked immediate feelings of you knowing them, whether positive or negative, in a way that you would not have had with most new people you meet, is a soul mate, as you have spent times in other lives with them, and the first meeting with them in this life sparks some of the same thoughts and feelings.

However, that doesn’t mean that you will continue in the same type of relationship, but it can provide a level of synergy, or its opposite, that springboards you into another phase of development and deeper understanding that may have little to do with the type of relationships you have had with them previously.

In any case, always look upon your relationships with others as what they are now, and where you go from now, rather than dwell on whatever is past.

Soul mates will challenge you to change, in behaviour, self-view, or how you deal with others. They are there for your personality to learn.

One true love ^

This is the supposed ideal for which we strive. Someone who will fulful all our desires in one convenient body. The first part of such relationships is lived in a sort of love halo, through which we get to feel the deeper love that exists, just so we have a reference to what heights can be achieved, if we allow them to blossom.

In practice, no one person can provide everything we need, but one person can be the one with whom we can share a lot of intimacy, and not just physically, but in deeper emotional connections. They can help us keep our heads above water when we feel like life is drowning us, or everybody else seems like they are against us.

However, problems can occur when we expect too much of them, especially as we begin to notice a lot of their not-so-endearing ideosynchrasies, leading to some disenchantment with them, and perhaps even resentment at how they seem to have changed, when it is really us who have allowed ourselves to be distracted by what are relatively lesser considerations, compared to what the relationship can be.

For many, such disenchantment leads them to think that they were wrong, and that there must be another who will be that perfect companion, sometimes indulging in trists that can only bring pain to all involved.

It is better to work through issues so that you get perspective on what are the benefits that your principal relationship brings to your life, and let go of what is not your partner’s to give. Be grateful when you have such a relationship, and treasure and guard it.

Sometimes, such relationships are not meant to last a full life, but meant to bring a measure of healing and understanding to unresolved issues from the past. Try not be angry or sad when such relationships come to an end, as they have helped bring you to a different understanding of yourself, which, with some time to re-focus, can enable you to have a better relationship in the future.

Lastly, don’t go looking for such a soul mate with a prepared list of physical attributes you require. Soul mates are not there to fulfil your preconceptions, but to help you look beyond yourself, so are unlikely to be your perfect person. Rather, they will challenge you to let go of what you thought you needed. Be open to whoever may come, but always be true to yourself. You are still individuals who must become the best you can be, but together you can help each other to do that.

Same-sex relationships ^

Life is teaching us to learn to see beyond the physical, emotional and mental forms with which we tend to identify, so we may spend many lives learning to identify with one sex, just so we get to know it very well. Then, we have lives where that is challenged, and those can really throw us.

Some challenging scenarios, and what their lessons might be, are:

  1. a. Gay from birth
    From the time that you could recognise sex-dependant biases in other’s treatment of you, you felt strongly that you don’t resonate with the sex you were born with. You may well have come from a string of lives of the other gender, so the consciousness of those lives has a strong influence on your current life. The lesson can be about believing in yourself enough to swim against the tide of what everyone else thinks. It builds strength of character and self-reliance to forge your own path.
  2. b. Straight, until a trigger changes your outlook
    Here, you may have felt safe in the roles that you have been allotted, and acquiesced to, as you grew up. However, at some point, someone, or some challenge, gets you to start seeing yourself in another light, so that you begin to challenge the assumptions you and others have made about what roles you play. It forces you to consciously make your own choices about what roles you play in your life.
  3. c. Ambi-sexual characteristics
    You may have physical, emotional or mental attributes of both sexes, so you may feel in a sort of limbo land. That may be largely OK for you to live with, but if not, then your lesson may be that you have to make a decision and work through the consequences of that, come what may.

Of course, what distinguishes such challenges from other of life’s challenges that may have similar lessons is that the changes required for some choices are quite drastic, and may be irreversable. Therefore, you need to take the time you need to make the right decision by you.

In all situations, you always have free will to make choices, and making those will always be challenging to yourself and others. Follow your heart for what feels true to what you perceive as your lessons to be learned, and then reason from there as to what the best options for your future are.

You may need to take some time to experiment with one option to see what it really means to your sense of self, and then you may decide to continue with that, or change course to another option, or go with what you have come to feel is to be your life going forward.

However, while avoiding undue pressure from those for whom your choices are none of their business, those who you have given a reasonable expectation of fulfulling a certain role with them are due the respect of being part of discussions about what changes in roles you may want to take.

Just beware of taking on more than what you actually need to, as many will push an agenda that may well put more obligations on you than the lessons you need to learn actually require. Learn to live within your own truth, but know its boundaries!

Note that while sexual attraction can be a significant indicator of having a different view on relationships to others, it is not the governer of your life. That is you, as the owner of your consciousness and the choices you can make.

Twin flames ^

At a primordial time in our higher self’s evolution, it splits, with each half undergoing a separate evolution, but helping each other, usually with one in incarnation while the other stays on the inner.

The twin flame relationship is really what many mean when they imagine their soul mate. However, contrary to being a time of extreme happiness, love, and living happily ever after, a meeting in a life is usually a time of great upheaval, with one dying soon, leaving the other distressed, as played out in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The meeting is meant to trigger a huge refocusing on higher aspects of life and purpose, instead of being caught up in everyday pursuits of money or power.

Even for great souls, like Jesus and Mary Magdelene, or Gautama and Yasodhara, the meeting is fairly disruptive and short-lived, before they each go on their life’s mission.

Fortunately, such meetings are a fairly rare occurance out of one’s many incarnations.

The bright side is that instead of a direct meeting between twin flames, usually what happens in a life is that the one on the inner overshadows your partner, helping you to experience deep love, without the trauma. Of course you need to use your free will to choose to have such a relationship, and keep working to see that higher love.

Family ^

Families are about learning responsibility, where others are dependent upon your guidance and protection, so you have to be less focussed on yourself, but work for the good of a larger group of people.

All your children are souls mates, with whom you may have had all sorts of different relationships with in other lives, some of which may have been as the one true love, instantly making them your favourite, or the one you butt heads with, depending upon how you ended the relationship with them previously.

Now, such past relationships may lead to confusing feelings about your children, as shades of the past seeps into your consciousness. Let go of the past, as the present relationship has its own set of responsibilities that require you to help them with who they are now, and how they can be better prepared to go into the world as their own person, ready to take on their own responsibilities, separate from you.

Friends ^

As an ideal, friends are those with whom you can feel free to explore and express your feelings, free of judgement, so that you emotionally mature to be in control of your feelings.

The freedom they allow can help you to release stress that can build up in other parts of your life, enabling you to be more clear-headed to deal with life’s problems.

Of course, friendships cannot be a substitute for family, or repeatedly called upon to avoid dealing with issues in your family or work, as that will disrupt the freedom on which they rely. Instead, treasure them and be grateful for the freedom they provide.

Conversely, avoid so-called friendships that rely upon bullying, or dominance of one upon others, as that poisons one’s thinking and leads to supression of feelings, or a bias towards anger and resentment, often resulting in anti-social behaviour.

Sometimes, when you start making changes in your life, some friends may not like some of the new you, and may not behave the same towards you, especially if you try to impose the benefits of the changes you have made upon them.

Instead, you may need to choose to tone down the types and frequency of your interactions, so that you can still enjoy each other’s company, without resentment. At worst, you may have to let go of friendships that result in too much animosity.

Over time, what you want/need from friendships may change. If you have a partner/spouse, as that relationship develops, and becomes a point of close frienship in itself, the need for other friendships may change. Some frienships may just evolve apart.

The more free-spirited/independent you feel, the less likely you will need friendships, or you may become more selective about who, or how deep you want to take a friendship. You can choose your friends, and you are not bound to maintain them if they no longer enable that sense of freedom. However, unless one has really done wrong by you, don't burn your bridges, as a friendship may come to be rekindled later in life.

Co-workers ^

Businesses are focussed on achieving goals that support their survival, while hopefully helping their customers achieve theirs. We cooperate with others in that endeavour, exercising our mental capacities in the process.

That mental effort stimulates us in a way that most of our other relationships cannot, and we do it for so much of the day that it can exhilarate us or exhaust us.

However, spending so much time in close proximity with others may lead to feelings that go beyond work requirements, and border on personal relationships, perhaps leading to affairs.

In these instances, it may help to think that there may have been deeper personal relationships with some co-workers in other lives, some even being that of partners. However, that past is only to bring a better level of cooperation and synergy to the business, devoid of personal distractions.

Of course, you may find a partner at work, but many places have policies about working closely with partners, just because stresses in a relationship can adversely affect the level of cooperation at work, not just between yourselves, but with others.

When such relationships are forming, take the time to discuss what to do about the working arrangements. Seek wise counsel of others, while each trying to be true to what each of you feel are your own priorities, in the mix with the new shared priorities. Take the time it takes, as there are many considerations to be discussed, including likely changes in dynamics with other co-workers. Be open and honest with yourselves and others.

At work, focus on the needs of the business, in balance with your own heath and well-being, and you will be the most productive, and thus a better participant in the success of the business.

Boundaries ^

As is often the case, with some people you have two or more of the above relationships. These can be especially enriching, but also very stressful.

It is good to be clear about which relationship you are focussing upon at any one time, just so all involved get the best possible attention and outcomes, free of damaging disruptions or loss of respect.

Effort must be taken to separate the goals and responsibilites of each relationship, so that none are compromised or diminished in favour of others, as all contribute to your growth, as well as that of the others involved.

Past lives ^

Focussing on past lives is a distraction to dealing with the problems in this life. You have a new body, with a new consciousness, with no real memory of what happened before, so there are no real facts upon which to examine your past lives.

If we knew all the bad stuff we had done in past lives while learning their lessons, we probably could not live with ourselves in this life. Loss of those memories enables us to work from a fairly clean slate in this life.

That begs the question of how do we continue to learn the lessons from those lives? To put it simply, the parts we have to work with in this life are re-programmed into us as part of growing up. When we hit adult life, we then need to transcend those programmed limitations and learn to see ourselves as more than just what the circumstances of our childhood has made us, whether good or bad.

So, to a certain extent, you can forgive those who have transgressed you in your childhood, as they were fulfilling what you needed. However, being a part of your lessons was also a lesson for them, so they are still responsible for their actions and the consequences of them.

Therefore, while you need to learn to let go of the past, that doesn’t mean that injustices done to you should be ignored. Just don’t hold onto petty slights, or mistakes made by others while they were trying to do their best.

With each life, you enter into a new contract with your soul mates, so confine your expectations to this life, and be realistic in your expectations of yourself and others.


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