Soul mates

This is the supposed ideal for which we strive. Someone who will fulful all our desires in one convenient body.

The first part of such relationships is lived in a sort of love halo, through which we get to feel the deeper love that exists, just so we have a reference to what heights can be achieved, if we allow them to blossom. In practice, no one person can provide everything we need, but one person can be the one with whom we can share a lot of intimacy, and not just physically, but in deeper emotional connections. They can help us keep our heads above water when we feel like life is drowning us, or everybody else seems like they are against us.

However, problems can occur when we expect too much of them, especially as we begin to notice a lot of their not-so-endearing ideosynchrasies, leading to some disenchantment with them, and perhaps even resentment at how they seem to have changed, when it is really us who have allowed ourselves to be distracted by what are relatively lesser considerations, compared to what the relationship can be.

For many, such disenchantment leads them to think that they were wrong, and that there must be another who will be that perfect companion, sometimes indulging in trists that can only bring pain to all involved. It is better to work through issues so that we get perspective on what are the benefits that our principal relationship brings to our life, and let go of what is not our partner’s to give. Learn to be grateful when we have such a relationship, and treasure and guard it.

Sometimes, such relationships are not meant to last a full life, but meant to bring a measure of healing and understanding to unresolved issues from the past. We need not be angry or sad when such relationships come to an end, as they have helped bring us to a different understanding of ourselves, which, with some time to re-focus, can enable us to have a better relationship in the future.

Lastly, we shouldn't go looking for such a soul mate with a prepared list of physical attributes we require. Soul mates are not there to fulfil our preconceptions, but to help us look beyond ourselves, so are unlikely to be our perfect person. Rather, they will challenge us to let go of what we thought we needed. To be open to whoever may come, but always be true to ourselves. We are still individuals who must become the best that we can be, but together we can help each other to do that.

Life is teaching us to learn to see beyond the forms with which we tend to identify, so we may spend many lives learning to identify with one sex, just so we get to know it very well.

Of course, what distinguishes such challenges from other of life’s challenges that may have similar lessons is that the changes required for some choices are quite drastic, and may be irreversable. Therefore, we need to take the time we need to make the right decision by us.

In all situations, we always have free will to make choices, and making those will always be challenging to ourselves and others. Follow our hearts for what feels true to what we perceive as our lessons to be learned, and then reason from there as to what the best options for our future are. We may need to take some time to experiment with one option to see what it really means to our sense of self, and then we may decide to continue with that, or change course to another option, or go with what we have come to feel is to be our life going forward.

However, while avoiding undue pressure from those for whom our choices are none of their business, those who we have given a reasonable expectation of fulfilling a certain role with them are due the respect of being part of discussions about what changes in roles we may want to take. We just need to be aware of taking on more than what we actually need to, as many will push an agenda that may well put more obligations on us than the lessons we need to learn actually require. We can learn to live within our own truth, but we need to know its boundaries!

Note that while sexual attraction can be a significant indicator of having a different view on relationships to others, it is not the governer of our lives. That is us, as the owner of our consciousness and the choices we can make.

At a primordial time in our higher self’s evolution, it splits, with each half undergoing a separate evolution, but helping each other, usually with one in incarnation while the other is in the inner.

The twin flame relationship is really what many mean when they imagine their soul mate. However, contrary to being a time of extreme happiness, love, and living happily ever after, a meeting in a life is usually a time of great upheaval, with one dying soon, leaving the other distressed, as played out in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The meeting is meant to trigger a huge refocusing on higher aspects of life and purpose, instead of being caught up in everyday pursuits of money or power. Even for great souls, like Jesus and Mary Magdelene, or Gautama and Yasodhara, the meeting is fairly disruptive and short-lived, before they each go on their life’s mission.

Fortunately, such meetings are a fairly rare occurance out of one’s many incarnations. The bright side is that instead of a direct meeting between twin flames, usually what happens in a life is that the one on the inner overshadows our partner, helping us to experience deep love, without the trauma. Of course we need to use our free will to choose to have such a relationship, and keep working to see that higher love.

Families are about learning responsibility, where others are dependent upon our guidance and protection, so we have to be less focussed on ourselves, but work for the good of a larger group of people.

All our children are soul mates, with whom we may have had all sorts of different relationships with in other lives, some of which may have been as the one true love, instantly making them our favourites, or the ones we butt heads with, depending upon how we ended the relationships with them previously.

Now, such past relationships may lead to confusing feelings about our children, as shades of the past seeps into our consciousness. We need to let go of the past, as the present relationship has its own set of responsibilities that require us to help them with whom they are now, and how they can be better prepared to go into the world as their own person, ready to take on their own responsibilities, separate from us.

As an ideal, friends are those with whom we can feel free to explore and express our feelings, free of judgement, so that we emotionally mature to be in control of our feelings.

The freedom they allow can help us to release stress that can build up in other parts of our lives, enabling us to be more clear-headed to deal with life’s problems. Of course, friendships cannot be a substitute for family, or repeatedly called upon to avoid dealing with issues in our family or work, as that will disrupt the freedom on which they rely. Instead, we can treasure them and be grateful for the freedom they provide.

Conversely, we can avoid so-called friendships that rely upon bullying, or dominance of one upon others, as that poisons our thinking and leads to supression of feelings, or a bias towards anger and resentment, often resulting in anti-social behaviour.

Sometimes, when we start making changes in our lives, some friends may not like some of the new us, and may not behave the same towards us, especially if we try to impose the benefits of the changes we have made upon them. Instead, we may need to choose to tone down the types and frequency of our interactions, so that we can still enjoy each other’s company, without resentment. At worst, we may have to let go of friendships that result in too much animosity.

Over time, what we want/need from friendships may change. If we have a partner/spouse, as that relationship develops, and becomes a point of close friendship in itself, the need for other friendships may change. Some friendships may just evolve apart.

The more free-spirited/independent we feel, the less likely we will need friendships, or we may become more selective about who, or how deep we want to take a friendship. We can choose our friends, and we are not bound to maintain them if they no longer enable that sense of freedom. However, unless one has really done wrong by us, we needn't burn our bridges, as a friendship may come to be rekindled later in life.

Businesses are focussed on achieving goals that support their survival and that of their customers. We cooperate with others in that endeavour, exercising our mental capacities in the process.

However, spending so much time in close proximity with others may lead to feelings that go beyond work requirements, and border on personal relationships, perhaps leading to affairs. In these instances, it may help to think that there may have been deeper personal relationships with some co-workers in other lives, some even being that of partners. However, that past is only to bring a better level of cooperation and synergy to the business, devoid of personal distractions.

Of course, we may find a partner at work, but many places have policies about working closely with partners, just because stresses in a relationship can adversely affect the level of cooperation at work, not just between ourselves, but with others.

When such relationships are forming, we can take the time to discuss what to do about the working arrangements. We can seek the wise counsel of others, while each trying to be true to what each of us feel are our own priorities, in the mix with the new shared priorities. We can take the time it takes, as there are many considerations to be discussed, including likely changes in dynamics with other co-workers. We need to be open and honest with ourselves and others.

At work, we can focus on the needs of the business, in balance with our own heath and well-being, and we will be the most productive, and thus a better participant in the success of the business.

As is often the case, with some people we have two or more of the above relationships. These can be especially enriching, but also very stressful.

It is good to be clear about which relationship we are focussing upon at any one time, just so all involved get the best possible attention and outcomes, free of damaging disruptions or loss of respect. Effort must be taken to separate the goals and responsibilities of each relationship, so that none are compromised or diminished in favour of others, as all contribute to our growth, as well as that of the others involved.

Focussing on past lives is a distraction to dealing with the problems in this life. We have a new body, with a new consciousness, and no real memory of what happened before.

If we knew all the bad stuff we had done in past lives while learning their lessons, we probably could not live with ourselves in this life. Loss of those memories enables us to work from a fairly clean slate in this life. That begs the question of how do we continue to learn the lessons from those lives? Simply, the parts we have to work with in this life are re-programmed into us as part of growing up. When we hit adult life, we need to transcend those programmed limitations and learn to see ourselves as more than just what the circumstances of our childhood has made us, whether good or bad.

Additionally, we may hop from one experience to another before settling on our course in life. These hops are opportunities to reactivate past experiences and learning to feed into the current life, enabling us to understand how to really live our lives this time. So, to a certain extent, we can forgive those who have transgressed against us in our childhood and after, as they were fulfilling what we needed. However, being a part of our lessons was also a lesson for them, so they are still responsible for their actions and the consequences of them.

Therefore, while we need to learn to let go of the past, that doesn’t mean that injustices done to us should be ignored. We just don’t hold onto petty slights, or mistakes made by others while they were trying to do their best. With each life, we enter into a new contract with our soul mates, so we need to confine our expectations to this life, and be realistic in our expectations of ourselves and others.

Relationships with our soul mates help us to learn from our experiences, so become a part of getting enlightened, rather than being the goal.

An area of difficulty for many is domestic violence, where many know there is love, and so feel that they have to still remain with their abusive partner. Part of this will have to be with the misconception that love can only be with a true love, whereas it can be love with many soul mates, but not necessarily involving being a couple.

Many relationships with soul mates involve many forms of abuse, and the lesson will be about learning to stand up for our right to be respected, and many times that will require leaving that soul mate. Other times, it will require helping them to break through their own abuse patterns. At any rate, love does not preclude rejecting abuse and protecting ourselves.

The soul of a soul mate may sacrifice a personality to help us with our lessons, and so become a nemesis to our personality to help us see beyond their form, so that we can still see the love, but learn to not put up with the crap.

The goal is to learn to be a shining centre of creative light, with humility and awe. But to be that requires learning to protect ourselves from forces that seek to diminish that light and suppress its expression. Love transcends and ensures, so will not be extinguished by leaving an abusive soul mate. There is always opportunity to love, because it really only requires us to give it, and not only to one person.